So this blog documents the 3rd day of my TM journey and my break up. Wow it has been quite the roller coaster. A mix of emotions that I am not familiar with. It has been a beautiful journey in a way, through the pain and the peace. Funny that you can feel at peace with pain.
Picture above shows how i feel. Beauty and pain. Never know they can exist together.
So the morning meditation of the 3rd day was quite a struggle.I had a lot of thoughts coming through. Apparently this is good, it is a sign that your body is detoxifying. You are releasing stress. Your job is not to judge or analyse the thought, you are to release it and go back to your mantra. After a while struggling with thoughts, I find myself in deep silence. Once I was done, i feel good. Calm and ready to tackle the day. The negative emotions that i woke up with was gone.
So after breakfast, i felt the urge to tell my mum that we have broken off the engagement. Usually my conversation about this with my mum is heated, in fact most of my conversation with my mum is heated, I know I harboured anger towards her. I sort of blamed her for the bad things that happens to me. My reaction to my mum this time was way better than usual. Although there were some outbursts, they were gentler than usual and this time I was dealing with the biggest disappointment of my life. This time I could control my tone and catch myself when I was going off and return back to calmness, to talking to her in a calm manner.
All this time I had a feeling that I will be okay. As the day went by, good news, the anger is no longer there. In my sadness, I manage to be productive, replying to work emails and doing this blog and my youtube content. I was told that this is another benefit of TM, productivity. As I am writing this blog I am aware of the clarity of my thoughts which before this was not there . Another benefit of TM that I am enjoying and am grateful for.
So evening comes and it was time for me to go in for another "checking" session in my Transcendental Meditation Centre. We had another sharing session, it was nice to see everyone's progress since this was the first working day since our TM journey. Many reported being more patient and productive at work. We did a group meditation and my mood for the day improved significantly. I was optimistic about my future again. I was ready to surrender to god or the universe's plan for me. I was willing to put "him" and my marriage on the "altar" and let god fight my battles. I felt like I will be ok if we do not get back together. It was scary but I was optimistic.