We are into Day 4 of TM and my healing from my break up. I can safely say that the pain on day 4 was lesser than the pain I felt the day before. I still feel empty, I still feel a sense of loss and sadness but again there is peace and acceptance.
Sometimes all we can do is Surrender!
So as usual, once I wake up, I will go to the bathroom, drink my hot honey ginger and head back to bed for my morning transcendental meditation. For some reason this routine seem to work for me. Morning meditation went smoothly. Right after I feel my mood lifting up. I feel loved. I feel calm, I feel at peace. Now after TM I cannot imagine my life without this feeling of peace and I don't think I want to go back to what I was feeling in the past. All that anger, closeness and darkness. I love how I feel these days. Peaceful and free, despite the sadness of losing the man I love. I remember his mum noted this thing about me when I met her, she remarked that I was not happy, and she was right. Even I did not know then that I was not happy. Boy will I miss her. I do admire his mum, despite the hard life she had she is happy, living her life , always finding humour in things, unlike my mum who is always filling her days with worry and trying to control the things and people around her without her actually realising. I do not blame my mum now, I guess that is how she grew up, this is all she knows.
I am so grateful for finding Jim Kwik, enrolling in his speed reading course which leads me to read a book a week, which eventually led me to reading the book "The Untethered Soul" by Michael A. Singer that eventually introduces me to Transcendental Meditation.
But I digress.....(in Sofia Petrillo's voice LOL)
Back to day 4 of TM. So my day went well. I went about work as usual. This time I planned my day well and I manage to do all of the things on my "to do list". I was done with work earlier that usual or then I expected. I manage to finish my blog and my Youtube content. It went very well. Usually I suffer from "brain fog". My thoughts are incoherent, but today , the words just seems to flow naturally and in order. My thoughts are in order! I finally have organised thoughts. Another benefit of TM. I read that over time as we practice TM our IQ level will go up, we can become cleverer. I am so excited for that.
While having dinner I met a grumpy server, I did not let him affect me, I was actually giving him the benefit of the doubt that maybe he had a bad day. Usually I will take things personally and this seemingly small matter will affect me, but today I manage to let it go, in fact I did not even have to let it go, it just never affected me. As I was stepping out of the restaurant I met an old man sitting on the floor, i asked him if he needs anything. Usually I will think about asking but I will never approach strangers. I will be embarrassed to help people. Today, I just naturally went over to talk to him. He needed cigarettes so I did not actually buy it for him, its bad for him but we chatted for a bit. It was nice to just acknowledge people. I am not doing him a favour, he was doing me a favour by talking to me taking my mind off my sadness. I have never thought or felt like this before. I am loving this new me.
So it is finally time for me to head down to the TM centre for another "checking session". As I was in the bus, enjoying the view, a thought crossed my mind. I have never noticed people or my surroundings because right up to my late 20s, I was living in my head. That means I have a whole other life going on in my head where I was rich, beautiful, famous, desired, this has shaped my expectations on life and I was very angry because this unrealistic expectations did not come true. This was my version of Oprah's "Aha Moment!". I was always in my thoughts and never just "being".
Now I wonder if all this realisation came too late? Would I be able to save my relationship should I realise this earlier ? Or I had to go through what I am going through to realise this. I choose to trust god's or the universe's timing. Everything is happening as it should. I am not going to resist it.
So the "checking session" went well. As usual it was nice to hear everyone's experience, One guy seems to doubt the whole process but he is willing to keep his mind open. Good for him. We learnt that there are Advanced Techniques in TM that we can learn which I am excited for. We also learnt about Yogic Flying which is freaky but very interesting. Shouldn't it be called Yogic Hopping though...... something to think about. The group meditation on day 4 was a bit of a struggle, I seem to have a lot of thoughts, even had an image come to mind which startled me. Again our job is not to analyse these thoughts and images our job is just accept them and go back to the mantra. We were also told that each meditation will be different, so I need to let go of expectations, what is important is how we feel after the meditation. Wow, I actually could recall what was taught! Could it be that my memory is improving?