On days that I do not manage to go deep in my meditation, I notice a stark difference in my behaviour and feelings. It is simply crazy that I can be these two people. I know that happiness is within me but I just cannot seem to reach it. Here are some of the things that I go through when I do not manage to meditate or did not manage to do it properly.
Everything seems so dark. I do not see light anywhere. I do not see how my suffering can and if it will end. It is just so painful everywhere. Everything seems impossible. I have to put in extra effort to try and not control the situation. Negative thoughts are everywhere. It is so unbearable to just sit with my feelings. I feel so alone even when I am among people.